Inshallah

Dear Brightstar,

It has been three years since I moved abroad. Though my letters havn’t been consistent the questions and aches I’ve felt over the past three years have been the same.

I moved to Geneva and then I left. I lived in Kampala and with work and an open heart I grew to love that change. Then I moved to Amman where I am living now.

The expat life has been exciting but it’s broken my heart a few two many times. I’ve fallen in love with people and built up families everywhere I’ve gone. I’ve transformed myself from a continental museum wandered to a streetwise motorbiker. Open and then hardened before transforming yet again, I have been formed by each experience

But the questions have not been answered. I only feel more jaded then I was at 24 moving abroad for the first time. I suppose through trials and adventures I’ve proven Rilke’s view that you tend to carry questions with you. Life doesn’t resolve itself no matter how many continents you live on.

I plan to keep in touch more if only to document my inward journey as I keep moving.

Jaded, confused, and heart sore.  Getting a bit sick of the expat lifestyle. But addicted to the promise of learning one more culture, one more city, one more new creation of self. Watch as I see whether this is the right city for me or just one more stop.

Always with love,

Keatsway

 

A Letter to my 25 year Old Self

Dear Brightstar,

Over coffee and some journal readings this morning, I realized that it’s only a few shorts months before my next birthday. I will be turning 26 in about 3 months.

Normally, I don’t really care about the years involved with birthdays—but something about people wishing me a happy quarter of a century this last time round resonated with me. I felt the age keenly with my 25th birthday.

I also spent my 25th birthday wishing I wasn’t alone.Honestly, it was my own choices that led me to be alone but I had this acute sense of being cheated. By life and by myself. I felt I would have more at 25.

The past year has passed more quickly then I imagine. I went from being completely alone on my 25th birthday to by spring I was at the happiest point in my life I could ever remember being. Then I threw caution to the wind and followed my dream to a completely new place, stripped bare of everything I had built the past few months.

Now that I am 3 months away from my next birthday, I feel I have achieved more this year then any beforehand. Yet, I am back to being alone.

This begs the question. While my 25th year has been a success, things are still difficult. What life lessons can I impart form this past year?

Looking forward to a little more wisdom this coming year,

Keatsway

 

IMG_20150710_190236